Finance without romance. Can it work?
Does money play a significant role in a successful romantic partnership?
When we look at human needs as a whole, meeting basic needs are the foundation. These are things like having adequate food, water, shelter, transportation, clothing, healthcare, and rest. If someone has trouble meeting these needs, especially if they partner with someone and have trouble meeting these needs, it keeps them and their loved one in a state of stress. When you have that foundation and your basic needs are met, you feel safe and secure. This releases stress and allows you to connect more easily with others. As a result, acceptance, love, and intimacy grow. Self-esteem strengthens, and respect, recognition, and even status can follow.
As a financial coach, who has worked with people and their money for 30 years, I’ve witnessed this and it seems to flow in very distinct steps. I've also seen people skip steps or shuffle the order. For example, some people who can't meet their own basic needs feel compelled to shower their loved one with gifts. Others skip the foundational steps and focus on achieving respect and status, but without substance their posture is unstable. This is often seen in the type of car people with limited financial means choose to drive. Studies show that most people who buy vehicles far out of their price range are motivated by status and recognition.
On the flip side, a loved one that demands gifts and outings that are out of sync with their partner's financial means can cause stress in the relationship. This stress can dim love and intimacy. You usually see a lot of debt in this situation by either or both partners.
Keep in mind, neither scenario is absolute. For example, having debt doesn't mean one partner is demanding something from the other. Yet, if one partner does make excessive demands and the other doesn't have the funds to fulfill them, a natural response is to borrow money to meet those demands.
Let’s continue…..
Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs teaches at the bottom of the pyramid is meeting your basic needs and the top of the pyramid is self-actualization. It is at the top where achieving one's full potential and creativity live. I can't say that I have seen anyone reach this level without taking every step. In fact, I've seen a number of people born into wealth stuck at step 3, Loving and Belonging or step 4, Self-Esteem . I have also seen many who have taken the steps and are still learning. Usually, continual self development, maturity, and experience helps them move deeper into each phase and realize their full potential.
Whether your initial focus is comfortably meeting your basic needs or reaching the top of the pyramid with self-actualization, in society, money plays a big part. If their were no money involved, priorities would be more primitive; finding food, finding shelter, and staying safe. In today’s society, life costs money and learning to manage your money, simply makes life easier for you and your loved one.
To gain control of your finances, the first step is to set financial goals. Once you have your goals in place and a plan, you can start. Here are 7 essentials to get your started.
Live within your means
Save a percentage of every dollar you earn
Prioritize your spending “Needs vs. Wants”
Avoid credit card and other high interest debt
Invest your money and diversify your portfolio
Create multiple streams of income
Protect your financial future with adequate insurance
When you take these steps, you'll be able to stay ahead of your finances. This will relieve anxiety and stress, and allow you to focus on being your best self for yourself and your loved one.
Feel like want to get started? Schedule a call and let's chat.
Coach Lana
Financial Coach
